(no subject)
Jan. 17th, 2015 02:48 pmI don't know what hurts most about the situation. But regardless I'm devastated.
Gabriel, my Tennessee Walker. My second horse that I got to prove I could ride (and dammit I did that horse taught me to canter) and we did shows which people laughed at until that trail horse won. Who was my best friend and spent nights with me napping in his stall when mom died. He's gone.
He was supposed to come back in December from a lease with my trainer who was using him for her 3 and 4 yearold nephew and niece. Apparently he died in Novemeber.
I just found out yesterday when she had one of the barn people call me instead, not even herself to tell me what she knew of what happened. Add insult to injury said barn person was the one I cut ties with and they all knew it for damn good reason.
Last news I wanted to hear from the last person I'd wanted to hear it from.
Gabriel, my Tennessee Walker. My second horse that I got to prove I could ride (and dammit I did that horse taught me to canter) and we did shows which people laughed at until that trail horse won. Who was my best friend and spent nights with me napping in his stall when mom died. He's gone.
He was supposed to come back in December from a lease with my trainer who was using him for her 3 and 4 yearold nephew and niece. Apparently he died in Novemeber.
I just found out yesterday when she had one of the barn people call me instead, not even herself to tell me what she knew of what happened. Add insult to injury said barn person was the one I cut ties with and they all knew it for damn good reason.
Last news I wanted to hear from the last person I'd wanted to hear it from.
(no subject)
Apr. 14th, 2013 08:39 amFigured I'd put it here too incase. :/ Everyone who's shared/donated I appreciate it SO much.
http://www.gofundme.com/2gr33o
http://www.gofundme.com/2gr33o
(no subject)
Apr. 11th, 2013 03:46 pmWish I had the mental capacity to respond to comments other then just crying. But I don't. I took yesterday off from school to try and calm down, managed to semi function today.
Then dad asks about it. CJ in person told him the bad news (mind CJ did get a little but sounds like he blew it all...an starting to feel used. We're letting him use the truck once its working since he's gotten parts for it an his car got totaled. He's only paid $300 to it last month...but considering he just bought some unneeded stuff for it an what have you I'm starting to feel abit taken advantage of.)
Its always easy to say "It'll be okay" when its not you. I'm trying not to get angry when everyone tells me that because it feels like a lie and a slap to the face.
Mentally I can't do this. I just got spun off all over again I have nothing for the panic attack
Then dad asks about it. CJ in person told him the bad news (mind CJ did get a little but sounds like he blew it all...an starting to feel used. We're letting him use the truck once its working since he's gotten parts for it an his car got totaled. He's only paid $300 to it last month...but considering he just bought some unneeded stuff for it an what have you I'm starting to feel abit taken advantage of.)
Its always easy to say "It'll be okay" when its not you. I'm trying not to get angry when everyone tells me that because it feels like a lie and a slap to the face.
Mentally I can't do this. I just got spun off all over again I have nothing for the panic attack
(no subject)
Mar. 10th, 2013 09:12 pmSo I managed to temporarily fix the electrical situation so we'll have power.
I wish this weekend had been stress free. An that I'd gotten to actually sleep but sadly that wasn't the case.
Tomorrow have to call the vehicle pawn, find out their interest rate and see if I can get a quote on how much they'd give me how long its good for so I can try an do this literally last minute (less time in means less $$ owed etc)
Have to find out which class I have tomorrow too.
~exhausted sick flop~ meds suck. Gosh I hope this plan of mine works out.
I wish this weekend had been stress free. An that I'd gotten to actually sleep but sadly that wasn't the case.
Tomorrow have to call the vehicle pawn, find out their interest rate and see if I can get a quote on how much they'd give me how long its good for so I can try an do this literally last minute (less time in means less $$ owed etc)
Have to find out which class I have tomorrow too.
~exhausted sick flop~ meds suck. Gosh I hope this plan of mine works out.
(no subject)
Mar. 2nd, 2013 11:43 pmWell, dunno really what to say. One more week and I've only got 3 more classes at UTI(Yay)
Transmission worked, first time. I'm happy.
However life's just been socking me left and right. Between health, SSI juggling and the newest set of events I'm so an into the ground its taking me a lot of effort to get out of bed anymore from the depression. This level of helplessness is tearing me up.
We have until the 22nd to come up with $5k or we're going to be foreclosed. We have ONE legal car to drive, electricity is about to be shut off, and all I can do is sit an weep. I have a friend who's trying to see if he can help, an dads literally clinging to that-so thus its on me. Which I really wish he'd also try an think of things. Every day since he's been asking, an friend can't get answers that fast.
Half-Brother left for Washington, didn't' even tell us, didn't let me say goodbye to my nephews. Not answering any of our calls.
Rheumatologist is trying to figure out if I broke my back, or if I have sciatica since I apparently have destroyed a nerve in my right side. Got fibro meds again at least. So far has ruled out Rheumatoid arthritis in my spine (So far x-ray pending)
I just want to feel safe. Even if I don't feel better, I just want to feel safe.
Transmission worked, first time. I'm happy.
However life's just been socking me left and right. Between health, SSI juggling and the newest set of events I'm so an into the ground its taking me a lot of effort to get out of bed anymore from the depression. This level of helplessness is tearing me up.
We have until the 22nd to come up with $5k or we're going to be foreclosed. We have ONE legal car to drive, electricity is about to be shut off, and all I can do is sit an weep. I have a friend who's trying to see if he can help, an dads literally clinging to that-so thus its on me. Which I really wish he'd also try an think of things. Every day since he's been asking, an friend can't get answers that fast.
Half-Brother left for Washington, didn't' even tell us, didn't let me say goodbye to my nephews. Not answering any of our calls.
Rheumatologist is trying to figure out if I broke my back, or if I have sciatica since I apparently have destroyed a nerve in my right side. Got fibro meds again at least. So far has ruled out Rheumatoid arthritis in my spine (So far x-ray pending)
I just want to feel safe. Even if I don't feel better, I just want to feel safe.
(no subject)
Jan. 14th, 2013 11:10 amI wish things were better. I'm trying. But I don't have a thing to work with. Van isn't legal to drive...
An I got no gas money. An I'm supposed to be going to an interview later today. Getting ready for it, I just have no idea how I'm going to get there. It sucks is if I get this job an its what they claim it could save us.
An I got no gas money. An I'm supposed to be going to an interview later today. Getting ready for it, I just have no idea how I'm going to get there. It sucks is if I get this job an its what they claim it could save us.
(no subject)
Dec. 15th, 2012 08:29 pmI had this long post I was going to do. Had it typed out and everything. Realized it didn't matter. In summary, I'm playing clean up because no one can bother to prioritize, I'm everyone's punch bag/scapegoat what-have it and not worth the courteousness to communicate when I put the effort to socialize. Even when they made this big deal of wanting to get a hold of me. Nor can I even do the things I need to do, let alone afford any of it.
really starting to feel like I don't matter anymore
really starting to feel like I don't matter anymore
(no subject)
Nov. 30th, 2012 02:30 amI wish I could sleep, it'd make it somewhat easier. Have to talk to this one woman, I may have sold Smokey.
Yes I'm sad but happy same time. I've got the mindset it's like a bandaid, do it quick an don't dwell on it- it's gotta hurt abit before it will get better.
I just can't help feelin heartbroken
Yes I'm sad but happy same time. I've got the mindset it's like a bandaid, do it quick an don't dwell on it- it's gotta hurt abit before it will get better.
I just can't help feelin heartbroken
(no subject)
Aug. 13th, 2012 12:38 amNothing like lounging in the bed of a pickup truck, stargazing and watching for meteors while your best friend for 8 years gets giggly drunk and is rambling while watching the skies with you. That's a peace moment right there, especially when you just get sillier as it progresses making random silly wishes on anything that moves in the sky. An dreams that you wish would happen soon.
Just wish she didn't eat all the ice cream :P
Just wish she didn't eat all the ice cream :P