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10 days...
10 days and I go to court and hear the verdict after 2 years of waiting.
10 days and I go to court and hear the verdict after 2 years of waiting.
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I don't know what hurts most about the situation. But regardless I'm devastated.
Gabriel, my Tennessee Walker. My second horse that I got to prove I could ride (and dammit I did that horse taught me to canter) and we did shows which people laughed at until that trail horse won. Who was my best friend and spent nights with me napping in his stall when mom died. He's gone.
He was supposed to come back in December from a lease with my trainer who was using him for her 3 and 4 yearold nephew and niece. Apparently he died in Novemeber.
I just found out yesterday when she had one of the barn people call me instead, not even herself to tell me what she knew of what happened. Add insult to injury said barn person was the one I cut ties with and they all knew it for damn good reason.
Last news I wanted to hear from the last person I'd wanted to hear it from.
Gabriel, my Tennessee Walker. My second horse that I got to prove I could ride (and dammit I did that horse taught me to canter) and we did shows which people laughed at until that trail horse won. Who was my best friend and spent nights with me napping in his stall when mom died. He's gone.
He was supposed to come back in December from a lease with my trainer who was using him for her 3 and 4 yearold nephew and niece. Apparently he died in Novemeber.
I just found out yesterday when she had one of the barn people call me instead, not even herself to tell me what she knew of what happened. Add insult to injury said barn person was the one I cut ties with and they all knew it for damn good reason.
Last news I wanted to hear from the last person I'd wanted to hear it from.
Goodbye Goldie
I just signed my horse away, for not even an amount that'll completely catch the mortgage up.
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Fighting my own anxiety's...Preparing to do drop off a bunch of resume job apps.
Here's hoping at least one bites.
Here's hoping at least one bites.
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Figured I'd put it here too incase. :/ Everyone who's shared/donated I appreciate it SO much.
http://www.gofundme.com/2gr33o
http://www.gofundme.com/2gr33o
(no subject)
Wish I had the mental capacity to respond to comments other then just crying. But I don't. I took yesterday off from school to try and calm down, managed to semi function today.
Then dad asks about it. CJ in person told him the bad news (mind CJ did get a little but sounds like he blew it all...an starting to feel used. We're letting him use the truck once its working since he's gotten parts for it an his car got totaled. He's only paid $300 to it last month...but considering he just bought some unneeded stuff for it an what have you I'm starting to feel abit taken advantage of.)
Its always easy to say "It'll be okay" when its not you. I'm trying not to get angry when everyone tells me that because it feels like a lie and a slap to the face.
Mentally I can't do this. I just got spun off all over again I have nothing for the panic attack
Then dad asks about it. CJ in person told him the bad news (mind CJ did get a little but sounds like he blew it all...an starting to feel used. We're letting him use the truck once its working since he's gotten parts for it an his car got totaled. He's only paid $300 to it last month...but considering he just bought some unneeded stuff for it an what have you I'm starting to feel abit taken advantage of.)
Its always easy to say "It'll be okay" when its not you. I'm trying not to get angry when everyone tells me that because it feels like a lie and a slap to the face.
Mentally I can't do this. I just got spun off all over again I have nothing for the panic attack
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Just need to come up with $1600 more dollars and I've have fixed the mortgage AND the edison issue for the time being... I'm burnt out an have no idea where I'll get that (800 mortgage I'm short $850 Edison)
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So I managed to temporarily fix the electrical situation so we'll have power.
I wish this weekend had been stress free. An that I'd gotten to actually sleep but sadly that wasn't the case.
Tomorrow have to call the vehicle pawn, find out their interest rate and see if I can get a quote on how much they'd give me how long its good for so I can try an do this literally last minute (less time in means less $$ owed etc)
Have to find out which class I have tomorrow too.
~exhausted sick flop~ meds suck. Gosh I hope this plan of mine works out.
I wish this weekend had been stress free. An that I'd gotten to actually sleep but sadly that wasn't the case.
Tomorrow have to call the vehicle pawn, find out their interest rate and see if I can get a quote on how much they'd give me how long its good for so I can try an do this literally last minute (less time in means less $$ owed etc)
Have to find out which class I have tomorrow too.
~exhausted sick flop~ meds suck. Gosh I hope this plan of mine works out.
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Well, dunno really what to say. One more week and I've only got 3 more classes at UTI(Yay)
Transmission worked, first time. I'm happy.
However life's just been socking me left and right. Between health, SSI juggling and the newest set of events I'm so an into the ground its taking me a lot of effort to get out of bed anymore from the depression. This level of helplessness is tearing me up.
We have until the 22nd to come up with $5k or we're going to be foreclosed. We have ONE legal car to drive, electricity is about to be shut off, and all I can do is sit an weep. I have a friend who's trying to see if he can help, an dads literally clinging to that-so thus its on me. Which I really wish he'd also try an think of things. Every day since he's been asking, an friend can't get answers that fast.
Half-Brother left for Washington, didn't' even tell us, didn't let me say goodbye to my nephews. Not answering any of our calls.
Rheumatologist is trying to figure out if I broke my back, or if I have sciatica since I apparently have destroyed a nerve in my right side. Got fibro meds again at least. So far has ruled out Rheumatoid arthritis in my spine (So far x-ray pending)
I just want to feel safe. Even if I don't feel better, I just want to feel safe.
Transmission worked, first time. I'm happy.
However life's just been socking me left and right. Between health, SSI juggling and the newest set of events I'm so an into the ground its taking me a lot of effort to get out of bed anymore from the depression. This level of helplessness is tearing me up.
We have until the 22nd to come up with $5k or we're going to be foreclosed. We have ONE legal car to drive, electricity is about to be shut off, and all I can do is sit an weep. I have a friend who's trying to see if he can help, an dads literally clinging to that-so thus its on me. Which I really wish he'd also try an think of things. Every day since he's been asking, an friend can't get answers that fast.
Half-Brother left for Washington, didn't' even tell us, didn't let me say goodbye to my nephews. Not answering any of our calls.
Rheumatologist is trying to figure out if I broke my back, or if I have sciatica since I apparently have destroyed a nerve in my right side. Got fibro meds again at least. So far has ruled out Rheumatoid arthritis in my spine (So far x-ray pending)
I just want to feel safe. Even if I don't feel better, I just want to feel safe.
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I wish things were better. I'm trying. But I don't have a thing to work with. Van isn't legal to drive...
An I got no gas money. An I'm supposed to be going to an interview later today. Getting ready for it, I just have no idea how I'm going to get there. It sucks is if I get this job an its what they claim it could save us.
An I got no gas money. An I'm supposed to be going to an interview later today. Getting ready for it, I just have no idea how I'm going to get there. It sucks is if I get this job an its what they claim it could save us.
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Friggen A...32 degrees in my room 23 outside. Our propane's out so no heater. My small space heaters in with Allen so he can keep warm.
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This colds doing a number on me an my mindset. I use to love winter and the holidays, but bills are overdue and stress is high. I have at least one thing per family member. Kinda. Just want to be on holiday break already so I can hide
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I had this long post I was going to do. Had it typed out and everything. Realized it didn't matter. In summary, I'm playing clean up because no one can bother to prioritize, I'm everyone's punch bag/scapegoat what-have it and not worth the courteousness to communicate when I put the effort to socialize. Even when they made this big deal of wanting to get a hold of me. Nor can I even do the things I need to do, let alone afford any of it.
really starting to feel like I don't matter anymore
really starting to feel like I don't matter anymore
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Sold Smokey today at least didn't cry until after they left with him. First horse I ever saddle broke.
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I wish I could sleep, it'd make it somewhat easier. Have to talk to this one woman, I may have sold Smokey.
Yes I'm sad but happy same time. I've got the mindset it's like a bandaid, do it quick an don't dwell on it- it's gotta hurt abit before it will get better.
I just can't help feelin heartbroken
Yes I'm sad but happy same time. I've got the mindset it's like a bandaid, do it quick an don't dwell on it- it's gotta hurt abit before it will get better.
I just can't help feelin heartbroken
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Goin into SSI for disability today, waiting to see if the last pill of Cymbalta I and will help this flare up. My left arm is useless since yesterday an has been hurting bad enough to make me nauseated..
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Cold and it's warm outside. Today is a day I wish was a wwkend/holiday or graduated. Cuz I really don't feel up to moving right now or anytime soon. Probably gotta grab my cane..
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Nothing like lounging in the bed of a pickup truck, stargazing and watching for meteors while your best friend for 8 years gets giggly drunk and is rambling while watching the skies with you. That's a peace moment right there, especially when you just get sillier as it progresses making random silly wishes on anything that moves in the sky. An dreams that you wish would happen soon.
Just wish she didn't eat all the ice cream :P
Just wish she didn't eat all the ice cream :P