stormdracona: (Beating my head against a wall)
[personal profile] stormdracona
Well, dunno really what to say. One more week and I've only got 3 more classes at UTI(Yay)

Transmission worked, first time. I'm happy.

However life's just been socking me left and right. Between health, SSI juggling and the newest set of events I'm so an into the ground its taking me a lot of effort to get out of bed anymore from the depression. This level of helplessness is tearing me up.

We have until the 22nd to come up with $5k or we're going to be foreclosed. We have ONE legal car to drive, electricity is about to be shut off, and all I can do is sit an weep. I have a friend who's trying to see if he can help, an dads literally clinging to that-so thus its on me. Which I really wish he'd also try an think of things. Every day since he's been asking, an friend can't get answers that fast.

Half-Brother left for Washington, didn't' even tell us, didn't let me say goodbye to my nephews. Not answering any of our calls.

Rheumatologist is trying to figure out if I broke my back, or if I have sciatica since I apparently have destroyed a nerve in my right side. Got fibro meds again at least. So far has ruled out Rheumatoid arthritis in my spine (So far x-ray pending)

I just want to feel safe. Even if I don't feel better, I just want to feel safe.

Date: 2013-03-03 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm sorry, I know your dad is probably trying, but it's absolutely infuriating to me that he's expecting *you* to pull these miracles out of your hat. Obviously I don't live in your house and I'm not there to actively witness any of what's going on, but I want to grab him by the throat and shake him. You are a young adult, you are not your mother and while I think it's reasonable to expect that you help some, the levels to which you've been asked to go are absurd. At least to me, the outside observer.

Especially when you have another able body (Chris, right?) in the house who is just as god damn capable of getting off his ass and working!

Date: 2013-03-04 04:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He is trying, he's just not handling it emotionally. He's broken down crying and apologizing to me repeatedly. I can handle anger or such much better then when he gets depressed. I'm frustrated not really at him, but more at the fact I seem to end up being the one who's gotta keep they're head on semi straight. Him driving 18+hr days has him all wonky. But yes, sometimes he forgets I am still a child, albeit one who's been filling a pair of shoes I wasn't ready to fill yet.

Chris has been applying to a few jobs, an does at least some things (just not cleaning/cooking) at the house. He's more child mentality, and his work history is scaring off employers. :/ I jus need to get the mortgage caught up, an I might manage to make this work.

Date: 2013-03-04 02:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
^ Ditto to what she said.

I wish there was more I could do. :(

Date: 2013-03-04 04:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He's trying he's just not handling it mentally. So I'm the emotional stability, since he can't get his head out of exhausted panic mode. I'm more frustrated I don't have anyone I can go hide an cry on in person. I feel abit like a little kid in these situations, and thats not the hat I get to wear anymore.

Date: 2013-03-05 03:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I will lend you my mom. She's good at sympathy.

Date: 2013-03-05 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Moms are awesome, wish mine was here. She'd have fixed this real fast (Or at least wrangled dad into semi functioning mindset)

Date: 2013-03-05 04:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*snugs you tighter* My 'dad' is certainly not going to win any Father of the Year Awards, either. Hell, I had a utensil thrown in my direction for no reason last week, and that was when he was in one of his better moods.

Maybe we can start a club or something. ~*~

Date: 2013-03-05 05:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thankfully I haven't had to deal with that. I just get well these thrown under the bus situations :/

Heh, club for "Smack Sense into Dads' club?

Date: 2013-03-06 03:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Heh, club for "Smack Sense into Dads' club?

Sounds good to me. I'll even provide the wiffle bats. ;)


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