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Jul. 19th, 2005
(no subject)
Jul. 19th, 2005 06:25 pmI pretend that I'm glad you went away
But these four walls close in more everyday
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is a-tumblin' down
I can say it clearly but you're no where around
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get you could ask my heart
Just like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words just couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
The nights are so lonely
The days are so sad
I just keep thinking
About the love that we had
Nobody knows it but me
Song of the day that was in my head all day. Today was...'ok' I guess. Working in monotone, not letting myself think helped alot. Just worked, didn't think just did. In the heat I was misrable but it didn't matter.
I was 6 feet away from a red tailed hawk that was awesome. Only thing that kept me depressed today was being asked "April, why are you not grinning like always? Why did you only faintly smile and laugh while riding in the back of the truck instead of cackling?' I just sighed and shrugged, pretty much made myself ignore people. I didn't want them to think I was going to shatter if I told them because I'm smothered as it is with overprotectiveness.
Truck ride was awesome however I got whipped by a tree branch LOL Brushed my hair it did ;p Oh well.
Tis only a day and a half until she's finalized as 'gone' in my eyes I guess, until I see her resting and put into the plot I don't think it will hit me that hard until then. I haven't 'truelly' broke down yet...Yet.
EDIT:
I need help, I'm apparently depressed enough I'm doing the 'eat to find the thing that releases the feel good hormone like chocolate' and I was horrified to find..thats what I started doing. I'm sick and I started doing this and I just get sicker from it. But scarily I don't care. Damn depression >.<
god I need help x.x
But these four walls close in more everyday
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is a-tumblin' down
I can say it clearly but you're no where around
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get you could ask my heart
Just like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words just couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
The nights are so lonely
The days are so sad
I just keep thinking
About the love that we had
Nobody knows it but me
Song of the day that was in my head all day. Today was...'ok' I guess. Working in monotone, not letting myself think helped alot. Just worked, didn't think just did. In the heat I was misrable but it didn't matter.
I was 6 feet away from a red tailed hawk that was awesome. Only thing that kept me depressed today was being asked "April, why are you not grinning like always? Why did you only faintly smile and laugh while riding in the back of the truck instead of cackling?' I just sighed and shrugged, pretty much made myself ignore people. I didn't want them to think I was going to shatter if I told them because I'm smothered as it is with overprotectiveness.
Truck ride was awesome however I got whipped by a tree branch LOL Brushed my hair it did ;p Oh well.
Tis only a day and a half until she's finalized as 'gone' in my eyes I guess, until I see her resting and put into the plot I don't think it will hit me that hard until then. I haven't 'truelly' broke down yet...Yet.
EDIT:
I need help, I'm apparently depressed enough I'm doing the 'eat to find the thing that releases the feel good hormone like chocolate' and I was horrified to find..thats what I started doing. I'm sick and I started doing this and I just get sicker from it. But scarily I don't care. Damn depression >.<
god I need help x.x
